[07/12/2026] - no girlfriends.
Just had to pull out my credit card for a $4.60 purchase of a redbull and 1 (one) packet of hotdogs.
ebay refuses to let me transfer the $30 in my account for no real reason. I have zero job prospects.
i'll be fine, but. god. wish i was useful.
Holly broke up with Rose and I a few weeks ago. Long story. I guess maybe with me and her its maybe a little bit more of a grey area, but still.
I've been. bad. without her. Coping ok i guess externally but far less so internally.
Been doing a lot of things that are probably not great for me but help me cope. I've continuously cut into my arm a little symbol she'd carve on my back. our initials put together.
I did this last time it felt like things were over. It makes me it affirms im still her's. that maybe if i show it to her she'll know how much i still care.
It would seem i'm still really unwell! Weened off doing that a little bit but i think about it often. I've seen her a few times. We both still have feelings.
I don't really know if we're good for eachother. I dont really know if we care. I dont know.
Rose and I tried to make it work, but. I dunno. If that'l happen anytime it doesnt seem like now. I've enjoyed having just them, but.
Every once and a while things just feel off. Maybe its cause I'm still pining for holly, or maybe its because I've never thought about having a relationship
solely with them. Don't know what to do with it now that i have it, y'know? It's certainly my fault for us not working out.
They'd never say that- I know they just want me to be happy, but. Still. We decided we'll ride out this last month, save up, do some stuff we've always
wanted to do together, and then they're off. I've certainly enjoyed the time so far, but hard to say its not a tad melancholic.
Really odd feelings all around. perhaps i'm doomed to not have a normal breakup?
first went to prison for 5 years, second broke up with me because of the third, and the third is this weird bittersweet goodbye.
I promised It I'd work on my site though! big news fellas, jamers.neocities.org has TWO fans!!!! kira AND rose!!!! huge!!!!!!!!
I want to do more here. really badly, especially now. I want to be James again. I want this place to thrive.....
It might be bad if I work on this site constantly though tbh. God knows im bad enough at socializing. I let my relationships with both of them sorta
take me over, and that sucks a little bit! It might be neccesary for how I work however? I don't know how to make friends. i dont know how to talk to people.
If I make something resembling a friend i hangout with them once every 4 months tops. I'm. not good. I hope i learn how to deal with that and change. god knows.
anyways! been doing a lot of stuff: ^_^
- Watched every Alien & Predator movie
- Got back into Godzilla (IWILL WATCH LIKE 50 MONSTER MOVIES THIS YEAR)
- Got back into Pokemon, and Pokemon Cards
- Watched a shitton of Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies
- Played Space Funeral (fuck I love space funeral)
- PLayed so many DS Games
I'm sending Rose off with a DS flashcard and loading it with a buncha games I like. I have realized however! I've hardly played any DS games.
So today I've mostly just been playing through the first hour or so of a buncha games to see if i fw them. I think a brief overview of this journey
may be be one of the first writings I put on this site. Might make it a thing to go through a console's whole library and pick out standouts.
uhhhhh yeah thats probably it. i've given a list of a million things i've wanted to add to the site but here's a few more:
- FINAL GLOVER VLOG (most of the footage was not captured. i have maybe 10 minutes. sucks)
- picturesofsneasel.html
- DS Writing
- piclog
seeya! hope things get better.